THE PENULTIMATE ANTHROPIC PRINCIPLE, a new Cosmogony by Mike Glosson (c) 2017
One “morning” in Eternity God woke up from a sleep of a Quintillion Quintillion years. Made a pot of Ultra Coffee and heated up a Transfinite Breakfast Burrito and prepared for the day ahead.
“Cripes!” God said. “I’m going to be late for work! Better take a shower …’yesterday’ was a real sweatfest”
Being an Infinite Being mere water is not sufficient to clean God. The Deity must bathe in a powerful stream of positively and negatively charged Leptons and Hadrons…as there mingling and annihilation is the only sure fire way to get God Clean.
So God turned the tub Nobs up for Positive and Negative Leptons and Hadrons until the mix was just the right amount of “Hot” and “Cold” and stepped under the shower nozzle and turned the redirector.
God luxuriated in the stead stream of annihilating fundamental particles for either a billion ages or a picosecond…hard to say as time itself hadn’t really started yet it still being “early days”.
Just as God’s fingers and toes were starting to get prunie bladder pressure became a center of attention
“Me Damn!” God declared. “I have to take a mighty wiz. Hmmm…if i step out of the shower now might slip on the floor and never make it to the toilet. Might as well let go in the shower. Who’s gonna know and who’s gonna scold me?”
So a bright stream left God’s body. It is a little known fact that God only pees Electrons and Protons and this additional unpaired stream joined the then intense stream of positive and negative charged Leptons and Hadrons, washing down the drain with the high energy gamma rays of their annihilation.
God’s Shower drain was and is and shall be a Singularity worlds without end.
As God stopped and threw all three shower taps to the off position stepped out and toweled off the first microsecond of the universe passed. The physical universe was a fireball of electron and proton pee carried along into time by a wash of dirty gamma ray photons.
The first stars were made from God’s Pee. Which they ate and barfed out as heavier and heavier elements via the digestion of nuclear fusion and the gag reflex of Supernova.
We are all Star Barf.